The Fool.

I feel like I´m new in everything nowadays: A beginner in life or something like that. It´s a pretty honest feeling and sometimes it´s like: “THIS IS AWESOME!!!” but sometimes it´s like “But, come on Ale, I thought you learnt something from the past!!!”

The other day we went to Vågakallen.

It is the biggest mountain around Henningsvaer and after a long walk; you can climb to the summit.

The route we did it wasn´t a difficult climb at all, perfect for me: a super beginner.

When I go with Andreas somewhere in the mountains I always feel like a child, learning from someone who knows A LOT about what he´s talking about.

At the same time, pressure and fear, make my learning process a little slower than I´m used to so I deal with a completely new picture of myself.

Nevertheless, that day we went out and I was thinking all the time: Don´t take this personal, trust yourself, do your best, enjoy.  Like a mantra. Once and again. Breathing consciously (as pranayama taught me), walking as fast as I could and following Andreas´ advices.

Until we came to this place:

Img_1001

Probably between those rocks there is around 1, 1 ½ meters distance. It´s not that much if you think about it.  Andreas went there and jumped like nothing. Without thinking, just like if jumping over 40 or more meters high it´s a normal thing.

And I was like:

No way.

I can´t.

What happens if I fall?

I´m definitely not going to do this.

Andreas was there, waiting for me on the other side, while I was dealing with myself divided between the fear of jumping, the fear of falling and the fear of being trapped for hours on that rock.

Andreas was VERY nice.

He was there trying to communicate me that it wasn´t that dangerous and that I needed to trust my feet and legs.

In my mind, all the time: No way, I can´t.

Andreas took some precautions while I was there thinking and thinking, saying: Ale, you can do this… One, two… NO I CAN´T!

We were there around 15 minutes, (Andreas says it was between 30 minutes and one hour but, for me time flew faster than ever!!!) Anyway, dealing with yourself and your fears it´s not that easy and, in other conditions, definitely, takes more than 30 minutes.

Until I jumped.

And –since I´m writing this- I survived.

That experience was, by far, one of the most important moments in my life: Taking the chance of doing something even though your mind it´s telling you that there is no way you can do it.

Sometimes in yoga it´s like that.  At the beginning it can be the opposite: your mind saying “Of course I can do that, it seems simple”, but then your body don´t answer. After a few years of practice, when you have to do something new, your mind is more like: No way… Until your body achieves it (and your mind, suddenly, silent.)

On the other side of the jump there was Andreas and I realized why I love him so much.  Also I realized how good he is in what he does. And how much I trust him.

I did the jump, yes, but he was there for me.

My brother made me realize how familiar this experience was with the “first” tarot card: The Fool.

In the regular representation of this card we can see a man standing at the edge of something that looks like a mountain with, probably, an abyss in front of him. But he doesn´t seems to be bothered by that.  Innocent and trusting in the universe, in his dog, in his feet or whatever you want, it seems that he will continue walking no matter what.

Actually, the fool is one of the “unnumbered” cards of the deck.

The fool represents the beginning of an important journey.

Maybe feeling like a beginner it´s not that bad after all. Its the fool a fool after all?

Rws_tarot_00_fool1
Tumblr_lrr2czvqv51qauxo9o1_500
Advertisements

Dream

Last night I dreamt that I was in India. I was practicing in the RIMYI but, of course –as always in dreams-, the school looked totally different from what it is in “reality”.

It was a bigger place but still very indian style. As in reality, there were plenty of people and the classes were full.

I was practicing marichyasana IV. The practice was really difficult for me, I had a lot of pain and sometimes I felt angry. After what it seemed like a lot of time, I was able to it.

My friend Cristóbal was in my dream –I meet him in India last year- and he came to me after the practice and he told me that his car had been stolen. And I told him: Your Chilean car, why you brought your car here!?

After the chatting we went to the main room to hear Guruji´s lecture of that day.

More than a lecture; it was almost like a conversation, very friendly and relaxed. We sat in first row. Guruji was full of life and younger than reality. As always very happy; the easy smile which characterizes him was always there.  

Suddenly he started to talk about marichyasana IV. He was talking about how we have to do the posture in our daily practice and he said that he looked at me before, during the practice.

I don´t remember the details but, in the dream, I felt like a little girl.

It is the third time that I have a dream where Guruji appears.

It was a kind of important dream not because of the symbols on it but because of the feeling that I had on it.

It was a feeling that I know perfectly. This feeling was my natural response in many circumstances during my whole life. Is a feeling that mixed embarrassment and cuteness.

But now that feeling is changing.

In recent weeks I felt really unstable.  Everything was moving around me and I was in the middle, feeling the adrenaline of it: The roller coaster called Arctic Circle –that´s how I like to called it-. I was afraid, seeing disappear all the things that were certainties for many years. All the bases of the structure that I considered as “myself” were being bombed.  So I had to jump out of my own little tower.

It would be silly of me to think that now I´m in a stable terrain but, at least, I feel that I´m starting to feel different inside.  

In the end, no matter the tower, my skin was permeable and after taking my own time –as in the yoga practice- is, inside of me, in the safest place I know, where things started to settle down.

Arcan16