My hip or, A way to deal with ignorance.

Kleshas

Yoga practice helps you to rediscover the forgotten link between your mind and body and this, under my experience, always modify the way you see illness and health, pleasure and pain.

When I started my practice, I remember how surprised I was when I heard my teacher saying: If you feel pain, observe it, don´t run away, try to see why that pain appeared in this moment.

During the lasts months I have been feeling some pain in my left hip: it´s a pain that comes and goes, that change and that, sometimes makes me feel angry but, other times, makes me feel compassion for myself.

There are some days where the pain moves me closer to the practice. I know that, after practice I will feel better: the pain diminishes or disappears completely. But, other days, the pain takes me away from the practice because my thinking process is something like: Ok, this pain is the result of my ignorance. There´s something that I´ve been doing wrong all this years so, if I continue practicing there´s a chance for the injury to get bigger.

During those days it´s really difficult to get and sit on my mat without an anger feeling inside me.

But then, the question is:  

Where do you find more ignorance?

Try to do something you love, even if there´s more than once chance that you´re not understanding everything of it?

Or, not do it at all, just because you´re afraid?

Patañjali (II.3) shows us Avidya as the first cause of suffering (kleshas).

When I think about it, my concept of ignorance talks about not-knowing something; ignorance has to be with inexperience.

I think this is an important concept.

It´s impossible to be able to understand something or to feel experienced in a subject since the first moment. And this is really hard to handle for the ego because there´s an awesome sensation when you feel that you´re good at something.

But, being lost, being confused and wrong, feeling inexperienced it´s part of the way, if you want to be able to feel the opposite. In this case, my pain is telling me that there´s something that I need to change; I need to revalue my practice. I have a lot of interpretations for it but, it´s more important to me, to be able to continue my practice more than ever because, when your ego is telling that you don´t need it (and my ego it´s telling me that when I´m angry) probably, it´s when you need it the most.

I´ve have experienced more than once how concepts that at first glance seem opposites, always meet somewhere. I already wrote about the feeling of being a beginner and I did the question if the fool is a fool after all… When you´re empty you´re full of space and, when you feel pain because you did something wrong, you´re learning something. Probably it´s something like this that I read today: “The non-dual reality lies beyond all appearing dual expressions.”

My ignorance it´s making me suffer physic pain but, behind that pain I can see hard work and the passion of doing the thing I love.

I know it´s time to go deeper in my practice (or time to go to the doctor), injuries come to tell you something.

I want to say that I can see the sign behind this pain but, meanwhile I understand the meaning and heal myself, I can do as my teacher thought me: observe my pain, and try to see what´s going to teach me this time.

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Yoga practice or Dancing through an expansive experience.

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These days had been crazy. After three weeks in Norway, we drove back to Luleȧ where we stayed for two nights. After one night sleeping at Geneva airport, we are now in Chamonix, France.

When my boyfriend –who is a skier and travels a lot– planned this season, he never thought about finding a girlfriend right in the middle between those mental plans and reality. But here we are, enjoying everything, happy to be together and the plan –that´s now including both of us- is to move from one place to another until September, at least.

If you knew me ten years ago you probably could say that I´ve been changing a lot. My posture, my body but most of all, my personality are different know. I feel different. I have no doubts about it: This is because of my yoga practice.

Prashantji says something really interesting about how the daily practice of asanas is training our mind.

Every day we are there on our mat. It can be rainy or sunny out there, it can be a good day or the worse day of our life. We could feel sick or sad or nervous, in love or happy or we can be there without knowing how we feel. Even though, we are there about to start a new asana practice.  This is training for our minds because we develop neutrality. Prashantji call this the psychology of asanas: they teach us how to stay neutral in front of every mental state. And through this we can understand and experienced that steadiness (sthiratha) and comfort (sukhata) have a completely different nature depending on which asana we are doing but most off all, depending on our inner state that, we know, can change a lot.

If you asked me six months back about my future, I never EVER would answer about all this adventures in completely new places, surrounded by nature, new friends and so much love. I used to think of myself as a person in love with routine, order and quietness. Having a comfortable and very tranquil life in Santiago, I never thought that I could actually enjoy this “volatility”, these movements and changes so much. I feel more alive than ever!

I´m learning so much about myself because I´m constantly exposed to new events, places, languages, people. Everything is new, all the time.

I am a beginner, every day of my life.

Some days I´ve been feeling exhausted because there are so many stimulus out there and I´m processing everything in here –“inner time” feels different-. Some nights I can feel my brain tired because it is not used yet to talk a new language during the whole day. I miss my family and my friends but at the same time I feel grateful and happy. And I see neutrality in there. My mind is not playing a role in that tiredness or sadness, nor even in that happiness. My mind is observing these feelings knowing that they will change sooner or later. It was not like this ten years ago.

Every day I can find new inspiration. It´s beautiful to see me living like this, experiencing in my own skin that everything is open to change. I´m experiencing life as it is: full of colors, energy and changes. Like a dance. And I am happy dancing in the middle of nowhere.

Every(w)here.