Transform yourself and eliminate the bullshit :)

8d91a09a9d468e9fabb98a9d201985

Finding yoga was, for me, the beginning of a transformation that continues until today. Even though I was pretty young, since the first moment I knew I found something significant. At the same time, I knew it needed time, practice and patience to grow up. But the seed was already in my heart.

In a slow rhythm, my practice was something that had this “in crescendo” process. Every day was longer, deeper or more intense.

I don´t know when it happened that the practice started to be a moment of deep connection with myself. I mean it´s not the same type of connection you get during a yoga class or after savasana… It´s something that goes beyond that and that now, after 11 years of practice I can see like a continuous “observing myself transforming” mode.

Observing myself made me feel bad sensations sometimes: I´m not a super self confident kind of person, I have a lot of problems finding the limit between “following the flow” and “going for it” type of attitude, I sometimes just don´t know what I want.

In the other hand, in that observation I, somehow, learnt how to accept myself without many judgments, being aware of my reactions and changes, knowing that them were there teaching me much more about myself than any verbal explanation.

The other day I saw a movie called Riding giants. The movie it´s about big/giant waves surfer and the evolution of the sport since mid ’50s until now.

The movie is about a passion that goes beyond words, a passion for doing something that not just makes you happy but gives meaning to the fact of being alive (or dead).

It´s not rational at all. It´s something that it´s there in your guts or not.

Sometimes something happens in life: Maybe you had an accident, lost your job or someone you loved. Maybe you found a new practice or routine that makes you feel better. Sometimes there´s a breaking point that makes your life upside down and it´s not easy to discover that this is an opportunity to transform yourself. Sometimes its something dramatic, sometimes it comes in waves.

In the movie, Mark Renneker (who is a surfer and a doctor working with cancer patients), said something that touched my heart.

He said: “One of the things I love a about my work as a physician (…) is to see what often takes place which is transformation, they just begin to sort of eliminate the bullshit and they begin to actually live, almost for the first time. Those kinds of life changing events can come from illness, they can come from revelation, they can come for me, in a way, from big wave surfing.”

Eliminating the bullshit is the only way we have to make ourselves lighter. And I think it´s easy to realize that it´s full of bullshit everywhere but most of it, it´s in our heads. Distrust, taboos, the fear of change, our own mental square structures and all the things that are there, stopping us from doing what we want to do.

We can do it in the way we want, Dr. Rekenner found surf, I found yoga but I´m finding new things every day: The sunlight trough my window or the smile of a kid, the moving tail of a dog, the sound of my favorite song or being able to touch the skin of the people I love… I use all of those things as everyday reminders.

You have to have something inside if you want to start to empty yourself. And yes, even though we think there´s nothing, there is always something. No-thing it is Some-thing.

I don´t know what´s the meaning of life. I don´t even know if it has any sense being standing on two legs in this planet moving in the corner of the galaxy but there´s one thing that feels real for me and that it´s this voice in my head telling me: Don´t be afraid, remove the bullshit, make the package lighter and try to find the answers for the questions that you have in your heart.

All the rest will come.

Advertisements

Talking about monsters, feeling alive and yoga practice.

It is difficult for me to put words in a sensation that feels so clear.

It is about the inspiration that one receives when is surrounded by people doing things that they love. People that is there: trying to conquer their own fears, trying to find their own peace, dealing with the light and the darkness in life.

My brother is a filmmaker.

In his movies he talks a lot about that; about the “fight” that you have to make to be able to feel that you are the owner of your life. It is an artistic way of see something that everyone has experiences at least once in their lives.

When I was a child he told me this history about a guy named “A”.

“A” is waking up every morning and eating breakfast and then going to work. “A” has a regular day at job: answering some letters, making some phone calls, reading some papers –and also the newspaper-, eating lunch and then continue working during the afternoon doing, more or less, the same things.

“A” goes home after work, watches some television, eats something and goes to sleep. He sleeps for eight hours and wake up the next morning to continue in his routine day after day.

But there was this other guy, “B”.

“B” is waking up every morning and eating breakfast and then going to work but just then, he realizes that there is this big monster outside the door of his house. And “B” –that doesn´t know too much about fighting- spends his whole day fighting against this monster trying to defend something that he believes is important and after this, really exhausted, he goes home and eat something and goes to sleep. The day after, “B” goes out and realizes that the monster is still there so again, “B” fights during the whole day, and he does the same the day after that, and during some days after that, until one day the monster is not there anymore.

My brother asked me what kind of life I thought it was the life that I wanted to choose.

This type of life is the one I want to live:

Alex-noriega-13

Yoga is teaching me, all the time, how to live in “harmony” with myself. How to accept myself with love while, at the same time, I´m trying to go into a deeper layer of me, further and further, closer to this place called “home”.

My monsters are old habits; behaviors that are inside of me and that I don´t know where they came from. My monsters are my fears. Old “clothes” that I want to be able to throw away to show myself the beautiful new skin underneath.

I´m understanding that, at the end, “home” is just feeling that there is nothing better than just be yourself.