It´s been a while since my last updated in my website and now, after 6 weeks in Chile, my homeland, I just came back to the mountains and to the fresh smell of the summer, with a completely new energy.
During my time in Chile, I felt like meeting myself again in this place that it´s full of people that knows me for so long and that loves me no matter what. My family and friends were showing me with love what´s left of me after the movement of the last year and half. Long and honest talks, hugs of infinite love and whole evenings doing nothing more than be there, left me with a feeling of gratitude and a sensation that, all the external movement is nothing more than an opportunity to let fall all the things that are not yours in the way, until you see yourself again and you realize that, instead of being far away, you are closer.
Closer to what?
Closer to That.
I took some days for myself and went to the beach and rediscovered meditation.
During those days, a friend of mine shared THIS link on facebook. If you are interested in meditation and Buddhism, please read it. It will be good for you. Read it also if you are interested in happiness (who is not interested in happiness?).
Even though I spent one month in Berlin in September, visiting my brother and his beloved Virginia, the truth is that, at that moment, I weren´t sightseeing much but, last week, with my mom, we walked a lot in the city talking about life, myths, change, spirits and death.
And I took some photos:
My mom, Andreas, his family and many friends were there because of the Berlinale, the 63 years old film festival that characterize the city every February. My brother´s new film “GLORIA” is competing there and it was the perfect opportunity to meet them again: family, lots of friends, joy, excitement, pride and love.
Red carpets, movies, rest, walks, parties, good food, good talks, spirits (again) and, of course, yoga (especially developed for my knee).
I still can feel goosebumps when I think of all the beautiful and excitement moments we had together during those days.
In this moment we are crossing not just our fingers and toes but our souls and spirits because tomorrow we will know the results of the festival.
It´s funny, maybe my brother will finish this week with a silver or golden bear but we already have unforgettable moments full of laughs and love and, who can buy that?
U2 in “Faraway, so close!”:
One thing that it´s even funnier is that we went to see this movie to the art cinema in Santiago, Chile, with my brother, my sister and my dad. It was 1995, I was 10 years old. When we went out of the cinema, my brother said: Look! An angel! , pointing a big statue in front of us. I tried to see it until I realized that it was one more of my brother´s jokes.
Life´s mysterious cicles are so beautiful. We know where they started but, who knows where they will end? Berlin seems to be just the beginning. Again.
On Sunday, my Father, his wife Macarena and my younger brothers José and Juan arrived to spend a couple of days with us here in France. We had amazing days together. It´s really beautiful to realize that, even though I feel everything changed in my world the connection and love with my family always remains.
On Wednesday I had my most busy class since I came here. It was a big challenge: those days when you don´t have enough props and the energy it´s really high up inside the room… A really beautiful experience, for sure! I feel so grateful for being able to feel that!
On Thursday my brothers and I went out skiing. I was super excited to ski with them. The day was perfect: sunny and beautiful, and after having three days with my dad and Macarena my heart was full of warmth family love.
We really enjoyed the day but when we were coming down to town I fell backwards hurting my knee. I couldn´t stand up any more. It was super painful and I felt really scared because I fell in the middle of a really narrow piste… The good thing was that Juan was waiting for me just a few meters below because he saw that there were rocks on the piste and he warned Jose up and his idea was to do the same with me… but I fell before that.
I couldn’t move my leg until at least a few hours later. My hip and ankle were perfect but my knee was really unstable and aching. The rescue people came and took me down the slope where an ambulance was waiting for me.
In the hospital they took x-rays and we saw that my bones were in great conditions (lucky me!) but obviously something happened with my ligaments. My ACL was probably under too much tension and it stretched too much… Or maybe it can be twisted or even broken (crossing fingers and toes for a NO on this one!). We don´t know yet what happened because I need to take a MRI scan during the next weeks to be completely sure.
I had two options: The first one was feel depressed and sorry for myself because I can´t teach for (at least) a couple of days, my practice needs to change totally, I won´t be able to enjoy skiing with my brothers anymore and I need to pay for the rescue.
The second option was to see this as an opportunity.
For two days I was in the first option. I guess I was kind of shocked because this is my first accident ever, but yesterday I decided to change my mind completely. Two days were enough. And, you know, enough is enough.
Here you have the list I created of positive things that are already coming and will come with the accident:
–LOVE: I´ve been feeling so much understanding and love from people I never expected. All the students were really concerned and they sent me beautiful messages and emails full of good energies. Also, Andreas and my brothers are taking really good care of me, I´m so lucky to have three beautiful nurses. My leg is injured but my heart is full of love!
–EXPERIENCE: As a yoga practitioner I always heard my teachers telling things like: “An injury is an opportunity to learn”, “Pain is your master” or “Listen to your body”… In my own experience as a yoga instructor I´ve been saying that when it came the time to help someone with a specific condition. Well it´s my time now. It seems that now it´s the moment to put all that knowledge on myself and heal myself through yoga practice. If I´m able to do that, my FAITH in yoga will be even bigger based now on my own experience.
–INSPIRATION: I´ve been thinking a lot on Guruji´s history… He had two really big accidents during his life and he needed to start his practice from nothing. I feel really lucky because what happened to me is not even closer to that but the truth is that even though he always is a real inspiration to me, in this moment I can feel his experience even more close to my heart motivating me.
–PRACTICAL THINGS: I will learn a lot about travel insurance, international health care, bureaucracy and it will be a big opportunity to practice my French.
I really believe that I´m responsible for my own reality, I don´t understand that much yet how and why I created the accident but the list above helped me to deal with it. I believe that when the energy is stuck, things like this happen, the energy needs to move, if it doesn´t move, it explode!
I guess I´m learning that trough my knee. Knees are not just anatomy, it depends on the way you look at it.
If you ask me, I REALLY don´t know how or when I created something like the “adventure” I´m in right now.
In India I had the first glimpse of what could happened with your mind/body/soul/spirit when the entire world you thought it was real, disappears. But then I came back home, back with my family, my work, my friends and everything seemed different, just like a weird and important moment not very easy to share with the others.
Now I´m here again.
Physically, in the north of the north; mentally, completely broken and this it doesn´t seemed like a rollercoaster anymore, this is more like the mixing machine on your kitchen, that machine you use every morning on your breakfast. And I´m inside that machine. All the limits, all the boundaries doesn´t exist anymore; everything is moving around and inside of me, and this is an AWESOME feeling. Because, when you get used to the fear –I learnt that an amazing feeling has to be scary- you see everything clearer than ever.
The changes, the fear and that feeling of being completely lost are a blessing in my life every day. Even though when I am hating them, I know I love them.
Because when everything is falling apart, just the important things remain, not firm on the ground but inside your little body. And suddenly you understand that, actually, you don´t have ANYTHING to lose.
Inside the body, -that body that is doing amazing little things everyday in the yoga practice- is the flame and the “truth”. Those flame and truth are different in everyone and I just saw mine but, if I asked for something in my life, was for the opportunity to discover myself. Those things good inside me and those that are bad. My fear to lose control and the good sensation that came when I surrender to the chaos. My light and all the darkness inside myself.
And here I am.
The yoga practice is the only thing that you can see still remains in my life. Everything else, from the outside, you can´t see it.
Home is inside of me, in the middle of my chest, where the warm flame of love and live begin to shine again. That flame is traveling all around the world, touching the hearts of my brothers and sister, of my parents and friends.
The calm is inside. The place I was looking for, it was not far away but I needed to travel half world to see it. To open, again, the doors of perception.