I don´t know if you have been feeling it also but, there´s something in the air… Challenges that are asking for the best of us, expansion is on it´s way. Yes, I am talking weird but what else can I do?
My last weeks have been full of challenges and a really deep understanding of myself has come to the surface. At the beginning I was amazed, confused… I thought Wow! I never saw the others clearer than today but the truth is that I never saw myself clearer than now. It´s scary. Many of the patterns that have been defining my life up to this point are so clear that I can´t do anything but see this as a huge opportunity to transcend them. For the first time I can see the purpose of my life in terms of the expansion of “my own” soul.
I always saw myself as an extremely contradictory person. I used to describe my “style” as a line moving in zig-zag between two parallel lines: Going from one extreme to the other was so natural for me, giving all or nothing. By paying these high energetic prices I was able to move forward towards my own spiritual and practical goals.
I never fought against this tendency of mine because I actually did create a lot of amazing stuff. I used to just observed it and allowed it to show me what I thought it was important for me to understand that way: through the shock of contradiction, expecting that there was going to be a moment when I was going to be able to understand what was hiding behind…
Now it´s that time:
Cold becomes warm and warm becomes cold.
Weakness becomes strength.
The extremism in the others helped me to crush my boat into my own harbor, understanding the reasons behind that way of being. Well, we know how much easier is to put things in perspective when they are outside of ourselves. Thank God for the others.
Now, again, I am in the middle of a huge wave of changes where all my thoughts about life, death, love and self-love are in the blender: PRRRRMM!!! PRRRMMM!!!!
I feel that I failed in my most precious enterprise, extremely sad, broken and I saw myself as a coward. At the same time, I am going forward in my search of understanding; I feel hope and being broken feels like an opportunity. Uncertainty is my friend, the future seems at times black; sometimes, full of sunshine.
And there I go again: radicalism is in my DNA.
But there is something different now: I saw the comfort hiding behind my way of being; I realized how easy it was for me to go all the way or not make even one step at all. Now that comfort feels suspicious. Today, I don´t identify myself with any of those thoughts and feelings that are either up or down. I don´t identify myself with the sadness or the happiness. Now, I know I have the power to bring harmony to my life.
Now, I will invite the extremes to come towards each other…