Probably last year was one of the most amazing and, at the same time, scariest years of my life, but I guess it feels like that every year (or is it just me?): more intensity, more challenges, more boundaries to break and many awesome things to discover outside and INSIDE. I´m wondering where am I going to end if it´s continuing like this!
After one year of being in the rollercoaster / blender of life where the intensity and movement mixed everything together making it really hard to understand, I´m starting to feel close to myself again and I have to say that for me the rollercoaster mode is not the most comfortable one but, OH! How much I enjoy the moments where everything seem to re-accommodate inside of myself and I can breathe and enjoy the momentary calm just before another round of movement start again. If it wasn´t for the moments of turbulence in my life I wouldn´t for a minute appreciate the moments of calm, peace and surrender.
In this moment I´m breathing. I´m calm.
I mean inner calm.
I feel like a nice, fresh and tender wind came into my heart and blew all the confusion away and I´m able to see myself again. I´m feeling myself again. And even though the blender can start at any moment, I know that I will know myself better before the next round start again.
Last year I understood some things. And some of them were really hard because
I realized how innocent I am.
I learnt that good intentions are not always enough. There has to be something (knowledge, evidence, experience), behind them.
I learnt also that everything is changing. And changing again. And again. And, yes, again.
But, the most important thing I learnt is that you need a lot of strength to just be yourself. I´m open to change, I´m enjoying the movement and, actually, I´m waiting for more but there´s something that doesn´t change and that is a little small part of myself that, behind all the movements, stays the same. Is not the ego, at least not the bad part of it, is something that feels closer to my essence, to my individuality. In this sense, I´m sure that I couldn´t call that part my Inner/ Higher Self YET.
Who knows? Maybe after a few more rounds of intensity, waves, rollercoaster and blenders, the inner tender fresh wind will remove all the questions leaving only silence and, maybe, myself behind.
Here you have some pictures of the Rollercoaster. Welcome!